The Ineffable — Megan Wilson

Cover of the box of my artist’s book *The Hundredth Monkey*, woodcut, 1991

I’ve been having a challenging time writing blogs over the last year. At one point I was writing at least once a week - even if they were brief and just provided updates on current projects. Some of that is still happening, but there was a levity and a sense of purpose that was also helping to drive me. However, this year it’s felt almost like paralysis. One difference is I’ve spent more time developing my blogs into essays versus stream of consciousness, in the moment writing. The other is that the world has been changing significantly in the past several years, as have my thoughts about it, and that articulation is no longer as cheeky or as hopeful.

It’s hard not to be triggered and wander beyond the territory of ‘this is all going to be okay, trust the universe, and we just need to organize better for change’ when every day brings more sobering news of the inevitable climate collapse, stark inequity, the devastating impacts of capitalism and corporate power, codified misogyny, racism, and human rights abuses, and the increasing surveillance state. Yeah, this is all very real time. Adding to this mind fuck, is the cognitive dissonance of experiencing this knowledge alongside the announcement of a new streaming series that I will inevitably serial watch, planning for a night out with friends to have dinner and go to an art opening, or thoroughly enjoying an extremely expensive and luxurious vacation. It’s not that I believe we should all be suffering until no one is suffering, although, I bet if we couldn’t have our creature comforts until everyone was taken care of, we’d figure out a way to make that happen really fast. It’s also not that I see my life as a model to live by - I don’t, and to some degree that’s helped contribute to where I’ve landed with this.

More recently I was inspired to finally sit down and write following a conversation I had with my sister-in-law while on a family vacation. First I should say she is someone I have great respect for as a deeply kind and thoughtful person, a brilliant engineer, and a mother who is raising three daughters. While we were having a side conversation during one of our dinners, she noted that Elon Musk is working on technology for a robot that will be able to do housework, sort of like Rosie from The Jetsons, the animated Hanna-Barbera production from the 1960’s about a futuristic family. While my response was that I could never imagine my husband and/or I ever wanting one, especially given our adversity to any home appliance that might try engage with us, a few other things came to mind: 1) the further creeping and acceptance of surveillance capitalism, which the vast majority of us are now forced to accept, whether we like it or not; 2) more working class jobs lost; and 3) Elon Musk.

She then commented on Musk’s plans for colonizing Mars as a response and alternative to the climate and environmental crisis on Earth. I wasn’t sure if she was serious, however she’s rarely, if ever sarcastic, so I took it as completely sincere. I doubted that it would ever be successful, and questioned, once there, then what? She was being optimistic, forward thinking, and full of hope, which I respect, and in theory I do want to go along on that ride of possibility.

However, all that came to mind, and in some cases mouth, was:

Think about how much we consume EVERY day as individuals, as cities, as countries - especially white westerners and how much waste we are creating EVERY day as individuals, cities, countries, and especially military forces - and how much suffering that equates to for non-white communities everywhere and for ecosystems everywhere
Plastic as a consumer good dates back to the 1950’s, not even one-hundred years ago, and look at how much waste and damage it has created for our ecosystems in that short period - and exponentially in the last twenty years
We will never address the climate or any environmental crisis as long as we are living in a capitalistic system. We can not take care of our environment AND have economic growth in the name of corporate and individual profit be any part of that equation - it will never work. Ever.
Everything is interconnected; however, that is not how wealthy, powerful westerners and those who seek to emulate them are thinking. The cry of “We must stop investing in fossil fuels” cannot be made without considering what that fully means. Because what that must mean to make any difference is that we can no longer operate under capitalism. We can no longer operate from a place of consumption, growth, and profit. Our wellbeing cannot be linked to our economies, in other words, we can not think about how good renewables are for our economy and think ‘if we can just get folks to understand how profitable renewables are, then a changed world we have.’ No. that will take us right back to square one. As long as we see life through the lens of economics, we are still on a suicide mission.
Additionally, misogyny, racism, ableism, ageism. period.

This is the world we live and every day is another day of failure with regard to the aforementioned. At some point, sooner, not later (as we’re constantly reminded that the stark earlier environmental predictions are coming true far sooner than originally mapped out), we will run out of time and resources. And that is the cycle of humanity, and possibly the end of it as well.